Published April 24, 2007
Know that I am watching-
I am never far from sight-
Know that I am watching,
Making everything all right.
My arms are always open
if you ever need a place
of peace and safety all day long,
in my warm embrace.
So when you ask the questions-
a long time off someday-
Know that I'm still watching
and everything's okay.
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141,287 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
The last and the second stanza both flow well, but the rhythm is lost a bit in that second stanza.
"Of peace and safety all day long" - that line distorts the rhythm. It's longer than the others and it seem like you're squeezing words onto the line. It sounds good, the words, but it creates a little bump in the poem, which had till then flowed relatively well.
I like the repetition of "know that I am watching", it's effective. Just with the - and commas. I think that if you changed it around to what I've done, it would make the repetition more effective.
Maybe you should consider using rhyme throughout the whole poem, what rhyme you do have is good and I think that more of it would make the poem flow even better. It would also coincide with what you have in the first stanza, since all of that rhymes (even if it is through repetition).
This poem has awesome structure- clear, simple yet forceful. Great rhyme and rhythm. And it holds a beautiful thought.
This is only my opinion, but I felt that it was a little bleak, maybe shallow. If that's what you wanted to portray, then it's great. But if you were aiming to reach out to the reader, a few more meaningful, descriptive, or emotional words can't hurt.
But it was great. I loved it.
Keep writing coz I sure love reading everything you've done
Wild